Brownstein: The grill is back on at N.D.G.'s iconic Cosmo's eatery

MONTREAL — The front door is open. The impossibly intoxicating scent of grilled bacon wafts out to the sidewalk. Resistance is futile.

The 11-seat counter is full, and not just with like-minded Homer Simpson types but also with students, construction workers, secretaries and pensioners.

“You gotta have the fried potatoes with your bacon and eggs,” a jovial Niki Koulakis, 51, implores this diner. “Your diet can wait another day.” Pause. “It’s already waited this long.”

“Let me guess: you don’t want butter on your toast, because you’re having the potatoes,” chides Rose Labelle, Niki’s ageless sidekick on the other side of the counter. “Sure you do. Who eats toast without butter? Not where I come from, buddy.”

Yup, it’s business as usual at Cosmo’s, and the one-liners fly as the bacon fries. Happy days are here again — for those for whom calories and cholesterol are words as foreign as restraint and tofu. The iconic N.D.G. eatery, which, purists insist, serves up the best and certainly the most substantive breakfast in town, had been closed much of the summer.

Tragedy struck last June when Cosmo’s founder, Tony Koulakis, 76, was stabbed to death in his St-Laurent home. His 40-year-old son, Johnny, was arraigned on second-degree murder charges.

Although Tony had hung up his smock and spatula years earlier, the man they called Captain Cholesterol or the Lord of the Potatoes still dropped in regularly to make sure that his two other offspring, Niki and Nikos, were running the eatery with the same panache as their pop did.

Customers and neighbours were understandably gobsmacked with news of the murder of the crusty but lovable Tony — truly a Montreal original and subject of the acclaimed Ezra Soifermman documentary Man of Grease. He had arrived here from his Greek birthplace of Crete with nothing and built a city institution.

Tony deserved a far better fate. And the fear was that Niki and Nikos would be too traumatized to continue operating the 46-year-old resto.

But six weeks after their dad’s funeral, they opened again, although only from Thursdays to Sundays for now. Niki does the Thursday and Sunday shifts from 7 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. as well as the ordering, the books and the decorating — such as it is. Her brother Nikos handles the Friday and Saturday shifts from opening to closing.

“This is the way my father would have wanted it — that we keep the business going. In fact, he probably would have been mad that we didn’t reopen immediately after his funeral,” Niki says. “I feel he’s looking down from above on us, and he’s probably having a smoke, too.”

Niki and Tony would forever have spats about his smoking. If she caught Tony puffing outside Cosmo’s, she would invariably fire a water-pistol to douse the butt. When she found packs of his cigarettes in his jacket, she would dump them in the sink, drench them, then chuck them in the trash.

“He had COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease). He could barely breathe sometimes. That’s why he had to retire. He loved smoking and I bugged him to the end to quit. But, in the end, it wasn’t the smoking that got him,” she says, sighing wistfully.

“But I don’t want to talk about that. I have to stay strong and upbeat for my customers. That’s the way my dad would have wanted it. And right now, he’s probably really happy that the business is still going. And I’m happy to get back to my regular routine. Thank God I have a routine.”

Ian Sutherland, a general contractor, has been a Cosmo’s regular for 30 years — and is fit. “I was devastated when I heard the news about Tony. It was a complete shock. I wondered if Cosmo’s would ever come back after that.

“Cosmo’s is such an important part of the community. We’re all delighted it’s back in business now. And the breakfasts, I’m happy to report, are as good as ever. Even the service is fine,” he says, glancing over at the ever-wisecracking Rose.

“That’s the right answer,” Rose tells Sutherland. “And don’t forget it, either.”

While cooking up a couple of eggs — over easy — and turning over the bacon on the grill, Niki announces that she would like to resume to full, seven-day service in the near future. “I just have to work out the schedule with Nikos,” she says. “I’m just happy that I’ve got the potatoes down — although my father would probably disagree.”

Vanessa Meyer gives Niki’s potatoes the thumbs up from the counter. Meyer, who is working on her PhD in media studies at Concordia, has been hitting Cosmo’s since she was a kid. “I would eat here regularly years ago when I was supposedly a vegetarian and I would eat sausages and not tell anybody,” she confesses. “But those were my activist days. Now I’m open about my love of bacon and breakfast meats.

“I’m so happy Cosmo’s is back. I can never imagine Cosmo’s not being open,” she says. “I need Niki and Rose to keep me together. And these potatoes, too. That and the Creation keep my mind sharp for school.”

Ah, the Creation: that artery-clogging delight of a sandwich: eggs, bacon, cheese, salami, tomatoes and lettuce and served on your choice of 15 breads. Plus, it comes with a side order of hash browns. And can’t forget its cousin, the Mish-Mash omelette, with all of the aforementioned and more. According to the lore, the Mish-Mash was once tested in a lab for its caloric content and it tipped the scales at around 3,000.

“I think I’ll try to cut down the calories on that one now,” Niki says. “Maybe I’ll even add a few healthy items to the menu as well.”

When Niki first proposed to her dad years ago that they start serving items such as yogurt and fruit salads, he looked at her as if she had just landed from another planet.

“That’s nice — for old people!” Tony grunted in her direction at the time. “Young people don’t need that kind of thing. They must eat hearty food to grow strong.”

“I still think it would be nice — but it would be my version of healthy,” Niki insists. “Nice yogurt with nice honey. Oatmeal with brown sugar and milk, not water. And you know what? If it would make money, my dad would be very proud of me.”

She’s not sure, however, if her dad would be as proud of her collecting stray cats. She now shares her St-Henri digs with eight felines. “What can I do? People get cats, move away, then abandon them. Someone has to take them in.

“My dad probably would have preferred that I have eight kids instead of eight cats. But he had a big heart, too, and he would do the same thing. He was so generous. He took in people. He made sure that people who couldn’t afford it still got fed. That was more important to him than money. And that is a lesson that he passed on to me.”

Interior decoration, however, was not her dad’s forte, and no lessons here were passed down. “I’d like to add a few new touches: replace the Arborite counter with some natural wood. I’ve already replaced the counter seats, added ceramics under the counter, and have redone the bathroom with nice tiles,” she points out.

“But my father would approve that I still won’t put ferns in here. This is not a place for plants — they would suffocate here. ”

bbrownstein@montrealgazette.com

Twitter: billbrownstein